The Panphin
The Panphin was a supposed mythical creature that swam the waters of the world hunting unsuspecting swimmers. It was a hybrid cross between a male panther and a female dolphin which copulated to spawn the ultimate apex predator. The union of the graceful and efficient swimming style of the dolphin with the panthers stealth and savage arsenal of teeth and claws were thought to make this apex predator perfect; elusive and an efficient killer. Though recent reports suggest that the Panphin isn't as mythical as once thought...
In recent ground breaking news it is thought that Merrick (a humble yet hilarious Australian radio host for Nova) glimpsed the beast lurking in waters off Bondi as he was frolicking in the shallows. He told the media that he initially swam in for a closer look, but reports of him struggling with a pigeons only weeks prior suggest that he probably legged it ASAP.
It is suggested that so little is known about the Panphin due its efficient and clinical attacks thought to be at night or in the hazy light of dawn and dusk which to date have left no survivors or confirmed eye witnesses, resigning the Panphin to nothing more than just an urban legend for the past decade and the numerous deaths and disappearances of multiple Australians skinny dippers the tragic result of excessive drinking and treacherous waters. Some have even said the infamous disappearance of Prime Minister Harold Holt was at the paws of the Panphin!
Over the past few days there have been hundreds of sightings and reports flooding in. What have you heard about the Panphin...?
Latest Panphin Rumours
Amy heard... the panphin is an aggressive manwhore, as it is trying to out do the liger by having sex more than 50 times a day, much like the bulldogs who get aggressive when told no.
The Panphin heard... I'm featuring in an upcoming X-Files Movie that will be titled "Do You Believe, In The Panphin?"
Eapot heard...That if you ever saw a panphin they would have to class you as and extinct species because all the known sighters now make up the extinct species list their main source of food is the catwhale a close relative of the sperm whale but seeming as the panphin did not like the name of that whale he moved onto the blue whale which was too big the panphin also has special receptors to pick up the radio at extreme depths this means that merrick will have to watch his back because a panphin never forgets.
Scopey heard... that the panphin's left testicle is considered in Mongolia as the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Sakib heard...the panphin is osama bin ladens secret weapon
Linda heard... the Panphin was spotted in Sydney Harbour on friday...
I heard...from a bloke at the pub the panphin uses his mighty brainpower to hypnotize Sam Newman and makes him say the things he says.
Dane Eldridge heard... That the panphin has been sighted as recently as last friday in southern France along with sonny bill williams.
Chris heard...the panphin is closely related to the Canadian couver, part cougar, part beaver. Very dangerous when fishing in the bush.
Robbo heard......That the panphin is a load of crap and it could only exist in a stupid man's imagination aka merrick watts.
Jason heard...that the U.S. Government has secretly been aware of the existence of the Panphin since the early 1930’s and that they have in fact been trying to train them to deliver high explosives to ships, not the common dolphin as previously believed. After these efforts failed, not due to a lack of intelligence but due to an innate high level of self preservation, the Panphin was later trained as a co-vert amphibious assassin, however the control CIA agent in charge of the trial subjects went rouge in the early 1970’s and have since been working to his own agenda, or to which ever organisations can afford his services. One such case is the staged disappearance of Sonny Bill Williams who in fact has been a victim of a Panphin attack, but has been covered up in the media with claims of fleeing overseas to a lucrative offshore contract. The Panphin’s unique abilities were secured by the NRL to insure that Sonny could no longer bring the game into disrepute.
Mark Bishop heard... That a Panphin killed Flipper and assumed his identity because it thought that celebrity status would make is easier to score with the ladies.
Kai heard... the panphin eats baby camels, so it can travel across the desert without water, for days on end.
Digg the Panphin article submited to Digg
 |